


gøner

by joshiesfreckles



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other, Spirits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-03-09 22:58:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18926689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshiesfreckles/pseuds/joshiesfreckles
Summary: gon·er/ˈɡônər/noun INFORMALa person or thing that is doomed or cannot be saved.





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> Another book!!! I'm so excited for this one as well, dude.

Tyler Joseph wishes he was normal. He’s not, of course - there are a few major things that make him a whole lot different than others around him. 

The biggest elephant in the room, of course, is that he’s, well,  _ dead.  _ His heart doesn’t beat, it doesn’t pump blood anymore, and he certainly doesn’t breathe. Maybe he could if his lungs didn’t decay a few hundred years ago. That’s another thing - he’s different than most spirits, too. Very few remain as “living” ghosts because it’s the reaper’s job to take them to the afterlife after they die.

Tyler had refused the offer, saying he wants to watch his family continue through generations, but soon that got boring - and no reapers returned for him. For the most part, he kept himself calm. He didn’t want to become vengeful, after all, and so he kept the saved up power he has to himself. That power could be used for him to appear more solid, but he finds it more useful to keep himself hidden.

For now, Tyler Joseph - who’s nearly 234 years old at this point - sits in a coffee shop, observing the people around him. It’s interesting watching them go about their day, Tyler thinks, because they have no idea about the entities living among them. Tyler thinks they’d be deeply disturbed if they knew the truth. Tyler tries to keep the people safe - putting any restless spirits to rest (as best as he can, anyway) and making sure the creatures that live in closets _stay_ in said closets. 

Tyler doesn’t pay attention to the ringing of the bell by the door, the sound far too familiar. Tyler comes into the shop often. Tyler’s fingers tap at his phone -  _ yes,  _ ghosts can have phones too - and he bites his lip as he tries to concentrate on his game. Of course, he stands in the middle of the walkway (the one leading to the seats), because he finds it amusing to see someone pass through him and then shiver. He does tend to make things colder.

There are footsteps towards him, and although they’re quiet Tyler can hear them. Good hearing. Ghost perk. He smirks and puts his phone in his pocket, waiting for the person to pass through him, only to look up and see a man staring at him expectedly. Tyler glances behind him. Nobody’s there. Tyler’s eyes catch the stranger’s bright yellow hair, a nose ring standing out against his features, and he  _ almost  _ whistles.

“Excuse me.” The man speaks softly, not loud enough for others to hear. Tyler stares, confused. He doesn’t move, his eyebrows furrowed. Can this man  _ see him?  _ The man must have been getting random stares, so he breathes out a harsh breath. “Sorry.” Is all he says before he walks through the spirit in front of him, and  _ yep,  _ he  _ can  _ see Tyler. Tyler wants to ask him  _ why  _ he’s sorry but just stares blankly ahead of him. He’s never had anyone see him before.

Slowly, Tyler turns around, and for a brief second, he makes eye contact with the yellow-haired male. The stranger turns his attention down to the table, taking a sip of his coffee, and Tyler finds himself sitting at the booth within a split second.  _ Maybe  _ he can teleport too. Tyler’s eyes trace the coffee cup in the other male’s hand, tonguing his cheek as he learns the stranger’s name. Josh.

“How can you see me?” Is Tyler’s first question, his eyebrows furrowing. He tells himself to stay calm. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Josh shrugs, sipping his coffee. Tyler watches as he presses his phone to his ear, smiling as he pretends to answer a phone call. He’s smart, Tyler can give him that.

“I dunno.” Tyler isn’t satisfied with the answer, his arms twitching. It’s been centuries since he’s been seen by a person - an actual breathing person - and he doesn’t know if he likes it. Josh’s fingers tap at the table, and Tyler itches to find out more.

“That’s not an answer.” Tyler’s obviously annoyed, grunting when all he gets is a playful eye roll. The fact that Josh is joking in this situation doesn’t sit well with him, and he wishes he hadn’t come to the coffee shop today. For a second, Tyler considers getting up, but instead, he taps his foot and waits as Josh takes another sip from his beige coffee cup.

“I’ve always been able to do this,” Josh vaguely gestures to Tyler, chewing on his cheek, “I don’t know how or why.” He hums, and Tyler watches as the male’s eyes trace the lid of his coffee cup. “I can also enter the veil.” Tyler’s eyes widen, he’s never really heard of  _ anyone  _ other than reapers or distraught spirits (plus one exception) entering the veil. He’s only been there once when he was younger - younger in dead years, anyway - and even then he wasn’t able to stay there too long.

The longer you’re in there, the worse  _ the feeling  _ gets. For Tyler, it’s the feeling of water weighing you down and filling your lungs - he did drown, after all - but it’s different for everyone. At one point, he’d met someone who had died in a house fire and described ‘the feeling’ as a non-existent heat. Like it’s burning you alive, but you don’t feel hot and don’t feel any pain. Josh meets his eyes, his smile faltering and then falling as he stares into Tyler’s drowned out (quite literally) brown orbs.

Tyler finds Joshua’s - he can only assume that’s Josh’s full first name - eyes enticing, and if his heart was beating it would probably beat a little faster. He watches Josh shake his head, breathing in a deep breath. “How’d you manage to enter the veil?” Tyler questions, his head tilting. Josh thinks for a moment, his fingers tapping at the back of his phone. It’s still held to his ear. 

Tyler’s eyes trail down to where Josh is pulling his arm from under the table, tilting his head to keep his phone in place and tugging up his sleeve. He chews on his lip as Tyler eyes the dark scar on his forearm.  _ Oh.  _ It had obviously been traced over multiple times, reopened. For a moment, Tyler was worried, but Josh just shrugged a bit and pulled his sleeve back over the scarred over skin.

“Blood spell.” He says and he’s quiet as if he regrets doing what he needed to do. Tyler almost wants to comfort him, but he knows physical touch is impossible between living beings and the undead. He could use some of his power if he truly wanted to, but it would have consequences - and to be honest, the “undead” punishments for doing things you aren’t supposed to do sound terrifying.

“Oh.” Is all Tyler says, and something in him yearns to give Josh a million reasons of why it’s not worth it to hurt himself just to see the veil. The veil is dangerous anyway - Tyler has heard rumors of one  _ living  _ ancient human entering and eventually being forgotten. As far as he knows, that’s the only human that has ever entered. Eventually, Tyler guesses, they’d turn into spirits. The veil is like purgatory. Anyone -  _ anything -  _ that enters can’t escape if they’re forgotten, and can’t stop themselves from becoming unstable. It’s how it works. Although Tyler’s never truly seen anyone be forgotten for himself, he can guess it’s pretty harsh. “I’ve got to go,” Tyler whispers. The coffee shop didn’t seem as boring with Josh around, but he doesn’t say that. Instead, as Josh opens his mouth, he leaves as fast as possible.

 

Somewhere in his long-decayed body, he aches to see Josh again.

 

 


	2. ii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back at it again with the white vans !

Tyler doesn’t think he should want to see Joshua again. But he does, and so he sits at the coffee shop as he normally does. It’s been a week, part of him doesn’t think Josh would even come back to the shop after he just vanished like  _ that.  _ Tyler can’t say he’s ever done that before, as there’s never been a person to actually see him, and he feels kind of guilty about it.

Tyler had decided he liked being seen. It was new, fresh, and it was his and Joshua’s little secret. Watching Josh pretend to be on a phone call the first time was amusing. He wonders what he’ll do the next time they meet  _ if  _ they meet again. Tyler’s brought back to his senses when he feels someone walk through him, laughing quietly to himself as they shiver and glance back to see why everything got so cold all of a sudden.

It’s strange because it’s not as amusing as it would’ve been, but it’s just enough to make him chuckle. He moves around the coffee shop quickly, deciding to rest against the window. The sunlight flows through him, causing the streams of light to distort a bit. Tyler finds it strange, how light bends in him. Nothing else is affected by his presence. The bell rings, and Tyler holds out his hand, watching the light bend in his fingertips onto the coffee shop floor.

“You have no idea how,” The familiar voice pauses, almost seems hesitant, “gorgeous you look.” If Tyler could flush red, he would, turning to face the male behind him. The sunlight glows against Josh’s hair and bounces off his nose ring. Tyler’s stomach flutters - not literally - and he wonders if Josh meant what he said when he called Tyler gorgeous. It’s harmless flirting, Tyler grins to himself as Josh turns to sit at the table by the window.

This time, he’s wearing glasses, and they frame his face perfectly. Josh looks ethereal in the light streaming through the clear windows, casting shadows in both the coffee shop and on his face. It’s the first time Tyler really takes him in, an amused grin tugging at his lips as Josh pretends to be looking around the shop. Josh makes eye contact and Tyler laughs. It’s ridiculous, how Josh tries to make this work. 

The coffee shop is small, Tyler thinks as he looks around. He’s taking everything in. “I’ve gotta go order,” Josh whispers, grinning. Then he’s gone, and Tyler’s eyes look over the beige and navy blue walls. There are frames in a few places, pictures of people that go back generations. This place  _ has  _ been here for decades, Tyler’s been around it for quite a while, remembering the dull sadness he would feel when the heir of the generation he was in passed away. He’d see their spirit in the shop, and they’d ask how long he’d been there. Of course, when they learned he would look over future owners, they’d be happy and move on.

It had a cozy vibe to it, smelling of coffee, - of course - cinnamon, vanilla, and dust. The floor looks like wood but feels like tile. Tyler wishes he could walk on it like everyone else. His feet float a measly 2 centimeters off the ground, but when he lowers, he can feel the cool feeling of the floor beneath him. At first, he thought it was his body temperature bouncing back, but he soon realized that wasn’t the case.

There’s a set of steps that are blocked off by the door that leads behind the counter, it leads to the apartment and storage that the owner - Jenna - lives in. He’s seen that space only once, out of respect, and it’s equally as cozy. She’d matched it with the layout down in the main shop, completely redecorated the place. Tyler liked it. The old color scheme was green and gray. He hated it. The counter is on the far left wall, and there’s an area for seating closer to the right side of the small cafe. A good amount of windows, the same windows that Jenna had written on whenever there was a new flavor of coffee in stock.

He’d watched her draw the logo, writing the name of the shop in pretty cursive letters on those windows, they’re marked in a deep blue that almost looks black. She’d go over it whenever someone scraped at the lettering, a sigh escaping her lips every time. He appreciated her effort. It was always clean, always smelled nice inside, and Tyler felt at home whenever he returned.

“Hey,” Josh says softly from beside him, breaking his trance. Tyler inhales - a habit even after hundreds of years - and grins back, taking in the cinnamon-vanilla air, “They’ve got a new type of coffee for winter. Cinnabon.” Josh’s eyes glow with excitement. Tyler’s fingers tap at the table, humming. He could taste it if he tried, but a floating cup would scare the shit out of people. Besides, it’s not really worth it.

“I know,” Tyler tongues his cheek, “I watched Jenna write about it on the far window.” Tyler points and lets out an amused sigh when people stare at Josh weirdly. He’d turned around, laughing quietly to himself when he realized Tyler was right. Jenna’s pretty handwriting caused a blue tint to the sunlight that illuminated the space. “I have a question.” Tyler pipes up, watching with dull, drowned out eyes as Josh pulls out his phone again.

“What is it?” Josh sips his coffee, breathing a sigh through his nose. “Damn, this is good,” He mumbles, Tyler rolls his eyes.

“Why do you enter the veil?” The question makes Josh freeze, he hesitates. It’s obvious he wasn’t expecting it, brushing a hand through his bright yellow hair. Tyler glares into his eyes for a second, fighting down a smile when he realizes they remind him of chocolate. It’s strange, how his ‘body’ reacts to Josh. Tyler refuses to believe he’s attracted to the male in front of him. Josh taps his fingers on the top of his coffee cup, Tyler thinks it’s a nervous tick.

“I-” Josh clicks his tongue, “I help spirits through, I guess.” He says quietly, sipping his coffee. Tyler stares.  _ No way. He can’t be.  _ The sun is setting now, it’s late in the afternoon. Tyler’s mind spins, bringing the pieces together.

“I’ve gotta go. Sorry.” Tyler stands up, ignoring the way Josh protests. He meets Joshua’s eyes, giving him an apologetic glance, and disappears, leaving Josh to finish his coffee alone. The smell of it lingers in Tyler’s nose as he drifts an empty street, reminding himself he doesn’t have to breathe.

 

_ There’s no way Josh is a reaper. _

  
  
  



	3. iii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have so many ideas for this book omg

The aspect of reapers is strange to very few in the ‘spirit’ part of the world. Some know them personally, some despise them and others don’t even try to bother them. They seem easily offended, impatient almost. He’s only met one and struggles to remember her. Maybe it was a 'him.' Either way, Tyler  _ should’ve  _ known that Josh was a reaper. They radiate a certain energy towards spirits, meant to keep them calm when they need to move on.

Maybe that’s why he’s attracted to Josh. It’s his energy, his  _ aura.  _ Even then, Tyler would’ve known. It’s strange to see Josh as a reaper, Tyler thinks as he tries to kick a rock. It doesn’t move. He supposes that would explain things. Able to enter the veil, able to see spirits, and not very shocked when he had seen Tyler standing in the coffee shop. But  _ why  _ didn’t Josh urge him to move on? To enter wherever he was supposed to go? Heaven, or maybe even hell? 

Tyler struggles to wrap his mind around it, finding himself back at the coffee shop. For a moment he wonders if Josh was going to be there, breathing out a harsh sigh when he spots the familiar yellow hair. Josh seems startled when he appears in front of him. Tyler fidgets, waiting for him to say something. He’s drinking coffee, of _course_ he is, and Tyler recognizes Jenna’s handwriting on the side of the cup. She only serves regulars. Josh has been here a lot.

“Why’d you run off?” Josh whispers, his eyebrows furrowing. Tyler doesn’t want to think that maybe he’s hurt by his leaving. Tyler leans back against the chair he’s in, one leg crossed over the other. Josh seems confused by his attitude, his eyes burning with a need to ask what this is all about.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were a reaper?” Tyler says back, Josh looks hurt by the tone. It’s not that Tyler’s upset - scratch that, Tyler  _ is  _ upset, he just won’t admit it. Some part of Tyler yells for him to calm down, and so Tyler closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Not that it helped since it didn’t register.

“Tyler,” Josh breathes, reaching for his phone. Tyler reaches out and tries to stop him, his hand passing through Josh’s. It causes goosebumps, Josh shivers. This is when Tyler realizes that Josh had never even asked his name, nearly falling back in his chair at the new revelation. If he could cry, maybe even tear up, he would. Tyler doesn’t know why he’s so emotional. “I didn’t even know until recently. I’m sorry,” Josh’s voice is soft, a little louder than normal, and only one person spares a glance. Tyler’s form flickers, Josh’s eyes grow a heavy sadness when he realizes Tyler’s going to leave.

“What do you mean you didn’t know until recently?” Tyler hisses, his voice echoing in the small space. He thinks he sees the windows rattle slightly, but nobody notices. Josh’s fingers curl, almost as if he aches to touch the male in front of him, instead, he wraps his hand around his coffee cup. It’s french vanilla today. 

“My grandfather died,” Josh pauses, swallowing. Tyler’s eyebrows furrow as he realizes Josh is lifting his phone to his ear, “About 3 weeks ago. I helped him through, and he told me that I was a natural. I was confused, and then he told me. I didn’t know, Tyler.” Josh’s voice trails off, he looks saddened when he mentions his grandfather. Tyler vaguely remembers when his family had died, and strangely he hadn’t felt as sad. Spirits don’t hold many strong emotions.

“I’m sorry,” Tyler’s frame darkens as a truck stops in front of the cafe, blocking the sun, “About your grandfather, I mean.” For a moment, Tyler’s arm flickers as he wishes he could touch Josh. He wants to reach forward and comfort him until the sadness in his eyes fades away like smoke in the air. He can’t though, and something in Tyler screams for him to take a physical form.

“It’s okay. You actually helped a lot, I guess.” Josh’s lips tug into a small smile, his fingers tapping absentmindedly at the cup in his hand. It’s gone a bit cold, but Josh takes a sip anyway. Tyler wants to scowl.

“I’ve got to go, Josh.” Tyler thinks he sees Josh shiver. For a moment he doesn’t know why. Josh’s eyes reflect a yearning, an internal battle being fought as he resists reaching out for Tyler’s flickering form. Josh breathes a sigh, and then Tyler’s gone, and the sunlight outside is back.

 

Josh throws away his cold cup of coffee.

 

 


	4. iv.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dude the ending of this gives ME chills im-

“You should come to my apartment,” Josh speaks softly, Tyler looks up and meets his eyes. Inviting a spirit to come and see your home is quite weird, Tyler thinks, but Josh seems so genuine. There’s a fire fueled by hope burning in Josh’s chocolate-brown eyes, his fingers tapping at his cup as they always seem to do. While Tyler was tempted to say no, he couldn’t bear to see Josh upset.

“Okay,” Tyler’s mouth tilts up, and a feeling of empty butterflies make his stomach tingle, “If you wouldn’t mind a spooky ghost haunting you.” Tyler makes his voice waver, smiling as he watches Josh cover his mouth as to not laugh. He loves when Josh smiles, his eyes squinting and nose wrinkling. His teeth are a beautiful white, Tyler could watch him smile and laugh all day if he wanted to.

He watches Josh stand and give a small smile to Jenna, who was talking to one of the newer employees. Tyler thinks she’s nice. Jenna gives a friendly wave in return, watching Josh leave. The bell above the door rings, it’s become increasingly familiar to Tyler, and the spirit drifts next to Josh - who shivers in the winter air. For a moment, Tyler wishes he could provide warmth, and shouts at himself in his mind to stop obsessing over the thought of touching the male beside him.

“It’s not far from here,” Josh whispers, climbing into his car. Tyler  _ could  _ meet Josh there if he wanted, but the barrier of not even knowing where Joshua’s apartment is preventing him from doing that. It’s a short car ride anyway, he guesses.

It’s not too long before the building looms over them, a fond smile tugging Tyler’s lips as he sees Josh wave and smile at almost everyone that passes by him. It’s no surprise Josh had charmed them too, using his bright smile, good looks, and kind words. Tyler smells perfume, and all of a sudden there’s someone heading towards them, right at Josh’s side. Josh looks like he wants to laugh when she stands right where Tyler was, opening her mouth to say something only to shiver. Tyler doesn’t hold it back, snorting when she clings to Josh.

“Hey, Josh!” She cheers, Tyler ignores the ping of what seems to be jealousy that taints his figure. He shouldn’t be jealous. Josh smiles at her. It makes it worse. “So, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me tonight. For dinner. God, it’s cold in here.” Tyler smirks to himself as he passes his arm through her, feeling a bit nauseous as the jealousy overtakes him. It’s not like he  _ likes  _ Josh or anything. He’d be fine if he went out with her.

“Sorry, Deb, but I’m gonna pass. I’ve already got a date with someone.” Tyler stops, his feet planting on the ground from where they were floating. They keep walking, and Josh presses the button for the elevator. His eyes meet Tyler’s when he turns around, his teeth catching his lip. Tyler’s chest tightens - or rather, it would if it could - and his frame flickers. Josh said  _ date,  _ Tyler smiles like an idiot and rushes to meet him in the hallway by his apartment.

“What’s her name?” Debby bugs Josh, leaning against the wall by his door as he pulls out his keys. “Spill.” She presses her tongue to her teeth, and Tyler doesn’t think she even wants to go out with him anymore. He holds a tiny bit of respect for her, she seems to have backed off after Josh mentioned a date.

“ _ His _ name is Tyler.” Tyler stands at the end of the hallway listening, his fingers curling against his shirt. Tyler thinks he would die if he wasn’t already dead.  _ Oh god,  _ Tyler inhales although he doesn’t need to _.  _ Debby gasps, looking a bit happy that Josh wasn’t dating another girl. “I’ve gotta go, Deb. Maybe we can hang out sometime. I’ll tell you about him.” Debby nods, turning on her heels and walking to a door close to Josh’s. He assumes it’s her apartment, but he’s in Josh’s before he sees her unlock the door.

Tyler’s practically glowing when he appears behind Josh again, looking around. The place is small, a bit messy. It smells like Josh, of course, and Tyler’s mind is foggy for a second as his senses are surrounded by the intoxicating scent. For just a moment, Tyler feels alive, like a teenage boy seeing his crush in the hallway of his school or about to go on his first date. There’s a kitchen beside him, stocked full with what seems like cereal and other snacks. Josh slips his shoes off by the door, obviously not wanting to get mud on the beige carpet that begins only a few feet in front of them.

The living room is first, with a few blankets and pillows strewn over the couch and other furniture. There’s a door on the left side, probably the bathroom, and another one on the right. Tyler thinks that maybe it’s Josh’s bedroom. He doesn’t check. He’s broken out of his thoughts when he hears keys fall onto a counter, his eyes meeting Josh’s.

“Josh,” Tyler breathes, “Is this a date?” Josh pauses, his eyebrows furrowing. Light reaches his face from the windows across the room, covered by thin white curtains. The sun is setting. Josh stutters, trying to place his words. He didn’t want it to come out like this - that he liked Tyler. It’s silent for a moment.

“I guess so. I didn’t,” Josh tries to find the right words, his ability to speak failing him. Tyler panics when he sees Josh tear up, the overwhelming sense of wanting to hug him becoming nearly unbearable. Josh tries to blink the tears away, and then Tyler’s right there, his eyes sad. Josh wipes his tears, laughing. “I’m sorry. It’s just a bit overwhelming.” He laughs nervously, chewing on his lip. Tyler almost wants to kiss him. 

“I would love for this to be a date, Josh.” He breathes, his mind racing with the thought that he  _ could  _ try to become more of a solid figure and pull Josh’s lip from under his teeth. He’s done it once, and that was an emergency. He told himself he wouldn’t do it again. Josh’s eyes meet his, and he swears he sees Josh lean forwards. Of course, Josh’s lips twitch and he stays where he is. He looks beautiful, even if he had just been crying. 

“I wish I could touch you.” The silence is broken, Josh’s fingers reach forwards and pass through Tyler’s neck, a thick tension forming. “But I love when you try and touch me. It gives me chills. Maybe one day I could feel you.” There’s a lot that what he said implies, Tyler stops breathing for a moment. His heavy and decayed lungs burn with a desire that overcomes him, drowning him but not killing him as drowning had before.

“You have no idea how bad I want to touch you, Josh. But I can’t.” Tyler’s teeth catch his lip, and Josh is so close even if Tyler can’t feel him correctly. Josh nods. He understands. Tyler doesn’t think anyone else would. 

 

“I’m a goner, Josh. I need you to catch my breath.”

 

 

 


	5. v.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a little short but eh

Tyler doesn’t sleep. He never does. Tonight, he watches Josh sleep with a fond smile. It sounds creepy, but Tyler doesn’t think it’s that terrifying when you think of all the  _ other  _ things that can watch you while you sleep. He looks so peaceful, wrapped in heavy blankets that must bring an unbelievable warmth. Tyler hasn’t known that warmth for a long time. It’s strange how much he’s forgotten about being human. He can’t eat, can’t drink - things like cell phones and other devices can be used by spirits, but food cannot.

It’s strange how everything works when you’re a spirit, and normally you only have two choices. You can go with your reaper, or you can stay and become something you’ve never been and never want to be. You grow vengeful, haunt people, make them feel the same pain you do. Tyler has never been one to think about the day he could change, but it’s hundreds of years overdue anyway. Tyler doesn’t get angry often, and he thinks that’s what’s preventing him from fading into a new being. There’s only been once where he’d lost his temper. Tyler’s form flickers at the thought.

The sun rises over the buildings in Los Angeles, casting delicate sunlight over Josh’s sleeping form. His freckles look dark in the light, speckled over his tanned skin in such a way that it looks like brown paint had been splattered over him. Tyler sits near the window, watching as the light bends through him and covers the end of the bed with dark yellow shadows that make everything look serene. Josh doesn’t wake with the sunlight, his bright yellow locks pressed against his white pillowcases. 

Tyler admires Josh from where he’s sitting, breathing a sigh as his eyes trace over the colored tattoo on Josh’s arm, taking in his shirtless form. He’s laying on his stomach, the blanket draping over his lower back and legs and for a split second the thought of seeing Josh naked crossed his mind. Tyler shook his head, glancing out the window to distract himself. It’s at  _ least  _ 6 AM, Tyler thinks as he watches the city slowly become alive. People leave buildings to find their cars, keys in hand as they move to go to work. Tyler longs to know what that’s like.

Tyler’s body jolts when the loud sound of an alarm clock rings in his ears, it’s Josh’s, and Tyler was right about the time. He watches Josh’s hand slam on it a few times, missing the snooze button with a groan or two, and then finally huffs and opens his eyes to see what he’s doing. He doesn’t see Tyler at that moment, his arm falling back onto his mattress almost as if he’s defeated. Tyler wonders why he has to get up so early. He remembers Josh telling him he doesn’t have a job.

“Tyler,” Josh’s voice is rough, deeper than normal, and Tyler would get goosebumps if he had actual skin, “You stayed.” Tyler breathes out, and although it doesn’t do much, it seems to help the rising arousal he feels at the moment.  _ Please don’t say my name like that,  _ Tyler wants to yell, but he’s a ghost and ghosts shouldn’t be able to feel things like arousal. 

“Yeah,” He smiles, covering the panic that he feels when Josh gets up and stretches. He definitely works out. Tyler’s dead and he shouldn’t feel like this. He acts like a teenager - shy and blushing when he’s near someone he likes. Except he can’t blush, and Tyler doesn’t think he’s  _ too  _ shy. Hopefully. “Of course I did. Where would I go?” Josh chuckles, and Tyler’s in awe. He’s nearly 300 years old. He should’ve learned that crushing over someone who’s living and breathing is definitely off the table. Yet, here he is.

“I dunno. Wherever you go normally.” Josh’s eyes glow with attraction, Tyler wonders if his reflect the same emotion. Probably not, he doesn’t think a dead person could hold any emotion in their eyes or the way they talk. Maybe Josh thinks different. To Tyler, that’s all that seems to matter.

“No. I wouldn’t leave you.”

 

Tyler promises.

 

 


	6. vi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he catches his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)

trigger warning in this chapter - mentions of self-harm*

(*just in the beginning)

* * *

 

“I was going to go into the veil today,” Josh says quietly, eyeing Tyler skeptically. Tyler freezes, his eyes showing immediate worry. Josh flicks at his knee, his eyes falling to pay attention to the floor. He normally went at least once a month, sometimes to check on how everything’s going, and sometimes to just admire how blank and quiet everything is in another place with different people from different times.

“Why?” Tyler seems panicked, Josh furrows his brows. He knows what he has to do in order to get there, and that makes Tyler upset. He remembers seeing the scar, a pale white on Josh’s tanned skin. He disliked the idea.

“I try to go once in a while. Maybe you can go with me. See what it’s like.” Tyler wants to yell because  _ is Josh trying to reap him?  _ Tyler doesn’t want to go, he doesn’t want to leave Los Angeles, and he doesn’t like the idea of never seeing Jenna write on the windows again or smell the oddly refreshing scent of coffee when someone walks by him. Josh’s brows are furrowed.

“Josh, are you trying to reap me? Is that why you want to go?” Josh’s mouth falls open a bit, wishing he could grab Tyler’s hand and tell him he would never try to do such a thing. Josh knows he wants to stay, he loves all the stories Tyler would tell about past generations. Josh couldn’t see himself without Tyler at this point.

“No, of course not!” Josh all but shouts, his fingers tapping at his leg. He stands up, and Tyler’s gaze follows him into the bathroom. The beige walls remind Tyler of the coffee shop. Tyler loves it. Josh’s apartment feels like home, oddly enough, the frames on the walls of Josh’s siblings reflecting something Tyler can’t even remember having. His family was never happy, always working. Then again, things were different 300 years ago, and Tyler knows that. Josh comes back out, something silver in his hands causing the sunlight in the room to bounce off the wall next to him.

Tyler looks with worried eyes, turning away quickly when he realizes it’s a blade, thin and sharp. Tyler doesn’t want to be here, focusing on the carpet below him as he hears Josh moving around behind him. Everything in him shouts to stop Josh from harming himself, but Tyler knows he’s going to be stubborn. It’s how reapers always are, no matter how nice. In the background, Tyler hears a small grunt. 

“Is it over?” Tyler whispers, his form flickering. A dull feeling of sadness reaches his not-really-there chest, suddenly noticing that the sun is setting. It’s sad, how everything comes to an end, like daytime or even your life. The night becomes another day, though, and when you die someone else has a chance to live. Some papers on Josh’s kitchen counter flutter and Josh inhales behind him.

“Yeah. It’s over.” Tyler spins, his eyes aching with a need to see just how bad the wound is. He doesn’t, though, and instead focuses on the smoke that is beginning to form in front of Josh. It’s dark, trapping Tyler’s gaze and suddenly Tyler has the overwhelming sense of drowning. It suffocates him, his lungs feel heavy, it’s dragging him under. It flashes before his eyes, the dark sea below his feet and the water that remains in his lungs, washing over him.

He needs to get out, but it’s pulling Tyler in. Josh stands next to him, unable to touch him, but running into the smoke as if he’s trying to save someone from something. It takes Tyler too long to realize that Josh is running after  _ him,  _ following him down and down into a dark pit that just takes Tyler farther from reality. The drowning is too familiar, Tyler’s arms reaching out to grab onto something.

They find something finally, and his body crashes into something just as the waves once crashed into him, sending his mind soaring into the possibility of a second death. It wraps around him, bringing Tyler down from wherever he’s at in his mind and grounding him. He feels like he’s at the bottom of the ocean.

“Tyler,” A voice breathes, Tyler opens his eyes. He’s afraid to face the ocean, afraid to face what got him here in the first place. It’s Josh, standing there, his hand grabbing at Tyler’s shirt as if he’s afraid to let go. Tyler’s mouth opens, and he chokes, so set on the fact that he’s still drowning. There’s no water, nothing, just air, Josh, and an empty sea around him. They’re underwater, but it’s different than Tyler remembers, so dark yet emptier than he could have ever imagined.

Josh’s hand is touching his cheek then, rubbing under Tyler’s eye, bringing his chin up. It’s now that Tyler realizes that Josh is touching him, radiating a warmth that Tyler has yearned to remember. Josh looks dull here, everything is so dark, but Josh holds him like he’ll never do it again. Tyler’s fingers curl into Josh’s shirt when he’s brought closer, pressed against the other male, his fingers aching and his body so solid for the first time in years.

The drowning feeling gets better, so different than what he was told. Josh pulls away before crashing back into him, lips tracing Tyler’s. Tyler stumbles backward, holding onto Josh for balance and allowing himself to lose breath as he kisses Josh for the first time. He hasn’t kissed someone in a long time, unable to feel close to anyone, and it’s something Tyler was jealous of. Josh holds Tyler’s face in his hands, pulling back only when his lungs scream for the air he needs. Tyler’s amazed at how Josh pants for breath, grinning as his palms rest against Tyler’s cheeks.

“Josh,” Tyler breathes, the man in question catches his breath and hums, “You just kissed a ghost.” Tyler laughs, clinging to Josh like he’s wanted to do for the nearing 4 months they’ve known each other. Josh laughs too, pressing his face to Tyler’s hair. He closes his eyes, trying not to think about the scenery. Normally it matches with the spirit’s cause of death, and Josh doesn’t dare to bring up the cries Tyler had let slip when they officially entered the veil. The tears still linger on his thumb, burning his skin, so used to seeing spirits cry when they come through but so upset that Tyler had to go through recollections of his death over again.

“We’ve got to go back soon. You’ll be stuck here if we don’t.” Tyler doesn’t want to leave, pressed to Josh, admiring the feeling of happiness that lingers in his now solid being. He can breathe again, feel how nice the warmth is, focus on the tingling in his stomach when he realizes just how close Josh is. Smoke starts to form again, and he knows Josh is getting ready to enter the real world.

 

 

Waves crash over Tyler, and suddenly he’s drowning again.

 

 


	7. vii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M FINALLY BACK !!! ahhhh sorry, I've been caught up with some things and never finished the chapter i started. i think we're on chapter 7 now.

Everything’s different after the kiss. Not necessarily in a bad way, but the longing to be held by Josh again lingers in his soul. Maybe not his soul, as he doesn’t really have one, but Tyler wants to feel Josh again. The thought of being alive and being able to physically  _ be there  _ for Josh plagues his mind, and he thinks about it every time he sees Josh peacefully sleeping. The sun that shines in the sky brings Tyler no warmth, no reassurance. He wishes it did.

Josh stirs, his eyes opening. They drag over Tyler’s form, flickering in the light through the window. Tyler wants so badly to curl up into Josh, be held. He shouldn’t have gotten attached to a human, this was bound to happen. Between the longing for warmth and the previous kiss, it’s gotten Tyler stuck. Josh’s smile makes Tyler feel something for a moment, triggering the response to smile back.

“Hey, Ty,” Josh speaks, his voice rough from sleep. Tyler’s form flickers violently, and he intakes a deep breath before he responds.

“Good morning, Josh.” Josh motions for Tyler to come closer, and Tyler sits criss-cross on the bed. He can’t technically sit, but his form allows him to rest on top of objects. Josh’s fingers pass through Tylers, raising goosebumps on his skin, shocking cold making his fingers twitch for a moment. Tyler knows Josh likes to imagine what could be.

“What if you,” Josh whispers, his head tilting up to meet Tyler’s eyes, “Tried to be solid? For me?” Tyler doesn’t move, just stares, avoiding Joshua’s gaze. It’s dangerous, what he’s suggesting, it could hurt someone if Tyler got too powerful. Josh breathes out a shallow breath, yellow hair glowing in the light through the window.

“That’s dangerous, Josh,” Tyler states the obvious, hoping Josh knows what he’s suggesting. Somewhere down inside Tyler, he burns with the feeling of saying  _ no  _ and shouting, but he’d do anything if Josh asked him to. Right now, Josh is asking for this.

“I know.” Josh agrees, brown eyes reflecting golden light. They’re drowned in curiosity as if he’s awaiting an answer, or for something more, like he’s longing for something that seems impossible to reach. Tyler breathes a small sigh, his eyes fluttering as the room gets brighter. The sun rises further into the sky, unlocking hundreds of possibilities for the people of L.A. to explore.

“Okay,” Tyler breathes, and if he could shake, he would. He’s nervous, his form flickering through realities as he tries to conquer his anxieties for the man in front of him, for Josh. He’s absolutely terrified, focusing his energy elsewhere. Josh shivers as it grows colder, eyes flashing as lights flicker, the dark brown orbs locked onto Tyler’s form, which grows more solid as the moment's pass.

Tyler’s eyes slip closed, and then he’s  _ there,  _ skin cold. The room warms only a little bit, and Josh almost seems afraid to touch him. He does anyway, fingertips brushing Tyler’s arm, jumping to his neck, pressing them together in a kiss that could last a lifetime. Tyler can’t remember the last time he didn’t sink into an object as Josh presses him into the bed, unafraid to flex his fingers around his partner’s wrists.

“Tyler,” Josh’s breath is warm against Tyler’s lips, his body radiating warmth onto the other entity, making Tyler’s mind hazy only for a moment. Tyler’s eyes slip closed as Josh presses kisses to his jaw, so eager now to touch and  _ love. _ It doesn’t take much for Tyler to stay solid, suddenly breathing heavy as Josh’s lips brush his neck, “Are you okay with this?” He whispers, pulling Tyler’s wrists above his head. Tyler knows he shouldn’t be solid for too long, but he doesn’t feel any different than he did before, other than the need to breathe now that he’s solid.

“Yes,” Tyler doesn’t hesitate, and then Josh is against him again, his teeth grazing Tyler’s neck, feeling no heartbeat. It doesn’t creep him out. He signed up for this. 

Tyler catches his breath.

 

  
  



	8. viii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT HAS BEEN 2 MONTHS AND 2 DAYS SINCE MY LAST UPDATE AND I AM SORRY!   
> I've been busy writing some other stuff so I apologize for my absence! There is about a month left until school starts back up so I'm kinda excited about that, but otherwise, I'm not really doing anything. That means literally no excuses for not updating.
> 
> I cut my bangs today, so that's an update. Things have been wild lately and I totally procrastinated all of yesterday (as always), and it's only reasonable to release the first chapter in months at 2:30 in the morning, right? I didn't even realize it was that late lol wow
> 
> But yeah, I've written a bunch of other stuff and so much has been happening with that, that I just havent had the energy to write more for this. To be honest, I kinda forgot about it LMAO !!! Sorry for the long note.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

“Can spirits touch each other?” Josh asks one morning, flipping an omelet in his pan. Tyler sits crisscrossed on the counter next to the stove, his fingers passing through the jar marked  _ sugar  _ in black marker, sloppy handwriting belonging to Josh’s. The movement causes Tyler’s arm to flicker, disappearing for a moment. Tyler seems to be thinking, his tongue clicking behind his blue-purple lips. 

“I think, yeah,” Tyler’s lips curl into a small smile as if he’s remembering something, “When my brother died, I was able to hug him before he moved on.” Josh hums, meeting Tyler’s eyes. Tyler reaches forward, his hand becoming opaque as he brushes his thumb over Josh’s cheek. He’s been doing that, becoming solid for a few moments just to touch Josh, keeping his body apart from his hands a ghostly figure. Josh leans in to the cold touch, and then Tyler pulls his hand away.

“Do you like being here? Even while your family had moved on a while ago?” Josh flips the eggs onto a plate, sitting it on the counter and turning off the stove. Tyler hums, his fingertips tapping at the counter (more like falling through the surface of it, but that’s close enough). He smiles then, chewing on his cheek.

“I love being here; I get to see everyone interact with each other, and I get to see you.” Josh snorts, his eyes squinting. They reflect the light that casts through the windows, and Tyler wants to drown in that sunlight until it consumes him. He remembers the first time he looked at Josh, the first time Josh saw him and he remembers the same sunlight that had cast through the windows of the coffee shop, finding its way through the scratches in Jenna’s pretty handwriting.

“I love seeing you, too,” Josh pauses, smiles, “I love you.” Is the next thing he says, and it’s so full of something Tyler hasn’t heard in a long time, so full of love and everything Josh can give him. Tyler smiles, a toothy grin, his form flickering perfectly in the lines of shadows, where the window frames keep the sunlight to themselves.

“I love you too.” Josh looks at Tyler like he loves him, and he does, so in love with someone everyone else doesn’t even know of. Tyler smiles wider, just looking at Josh. 

Josh looks back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My twitter has changed to @talkdirtycarson! You can still find me @lonelydxnce, and it'll lead you right to me!


	9. viiii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two in one night !!! after months of inactivity im here to win you all back

“What do you think happens when a human stays in the veil too long?” Tyler hums, closing his book. In reality, it’s Josh’s, and Tyler had claimed it as his when he dusted his transparent fingers over the spine. It obviously hadn’t been read in a while. Josh isn’t mad. Tyler’s eyebrow raises.

“I don’t know. I’ve heard stories, there are some chapters and stuff in old books that I’ve seen,” Tyler chews on his tongue, “But maybe they’d fade away? I dunno.” Josh seems to think about this for a while, his fingers tapping on his knee. Tyler’s curious, “Why?” Josh bites his lip.

“I don’t know. Your realm is so much more interesting than the living. You’ve seen a whole lot more than anyone that’s lived on earth.” Tyler snorts, setting the book down on the windowsill. Josh stares at him, waiting for a reaction, shrugging when Tyler thinks for a moment.

“I thought you were passed the questions phase.” Tyler makes his way toward Josh, sitting across from his lover and placing his chin in his hand. Josh thinks it’s adorable, the way he crosses his leg over the other, leaning into the table even though he could easily fall through it if he tried. Tyler rubs his fingertips over his cheek, pressing them into the skin there.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be completely passed that phase.” Josh laughs, and Tyler chuckles, a small hum leaving his throat. Josh drags his pointer finger along a small crack on the wooden table, thinking for a moment about where it came from. Did he do that? Did someone else? When did that crack even form? Tyler reaches his hand forward, running his cold thumb over Josh’s knuckles, dragging him from his thoughts. Goosebumps rise as Tyler interlocks their fingers, skin tone on his hand so much different from everything else you can see in his form.

“Why’re you thinkin’ so much?” Tyler questions, bringing Josh’s knuckles up to his cold lips. Josh shudders then, and Tyler thinks it’s sweet how easily he melts into the touch. Josh is always so eager for Tyler to touch him, always getting caught up in the contact. Tyler slides his chair closer, using his other hand and smoothing it over Josh’s bicep. The skin breaks out in goosebumps.

“I don’t know. I guess I love hearing your answers.” Tyler smiles, a small laugh escaping him as Josh pulls him into his lap. They rarely have moments like this, where Tyler is completely solid, but they both cherish them, and Tyler allows Josh to hold him close. Josh is warm, it’s calming to Tyler’s existence, bringing everything the sun can not.

“Yeah? Like hearing me talk?” Tyler teases, amused. His eyes squint as he smiles, and he looks alive with the combination of the light from the sunset and the artificial lights in Josh’s apartment. Josh’s fingers brush Tyler’s thighs, and he hums in agreement. Tyler leans down, capturing Josh’s lips in a kiss, and Josh chuckles.

“Yeah,” Tyler’s light, he carries him and throws him onto the mattress, crawling in between his legs, “I do.” Josh’s fingers trace Tyler’s wrists, tugging them until his elbows are bent above his head.

Tyler’s laugh echoes in the small bedroom.

 


	10. X.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MENTION OF BLOOD & A MAJOR [?] CHARACTER DEATH.
> 
> KIND OF A JUMP TO A FEW YEARS LATER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry :)

Tyler walks into the coffee shop, the sun is setting. Josh isn’t with him. It’s been a few years now, and they’ve grown together, and Tyler has to admit he had laughed when Josh found his first gray hair earlier in the month. He remembers when they first met. The coffee shop is empty. It’s abnormal. He ventures to the back with a smile, hoping to find Jenna baking a fresh set of cookies, but that’s not what he finds.

Instead, Jenna lays on the floor. She’d fallen, slipped, and it was obvious she hasn't even opened the small cafe. Tyler couldn’t comprehend the blood that was matted in her hair. He didn’t need to.

“Who are you?” A voice speaks behind him, and Tyler spins on his heels. Jenna’s there. She’s dead. He didn’t expect this. It’s strange, as she smiles at him even though she can obviously see her own body laying behind Tyler. She’s a cheery person. Tyler’s saddened by her death. Her handwriting remains in perfect shape on the window. He wonders how many people had walked by questioning why the coffee shop wasn’t open.

“I’m Tyler,” He says, his head tilting, “You’ve never seen me before.” The progressively dimming light passes through Tyler’s body, and he looks down at what would be Jenna. “You’ve owned the shop for years. What happened?” He takes in her form, knows she’s probably not too distraught. He’s watched Jenna for years, he knows she ‘goes with the flow.’ 

“I slipped, and then,” She furrows her brows, walking past Tyler and bending down to run her transparent fingers over the skin of what was her face, “I got up. You know me?” She smiles, pushing her blonde hair from her face. Tyler’s form flickers, and he wonders where the reaper is. They should’ve been here as soon as she died.

“Yeah, I’ve been here for decades. I’m fond of what you’ve done here. You know Josh?” The kitchen is dark, the sun is gone from the sky. Tyler wonders what Josh would think of this. Where is that goddamn reaper?

“Josh? The regular? Yeah, he’s sweet.” She smiles fondly, and Tyler knows she’s seen Josh for years. It’s strange now, with Tyler having the ability to talk to her. Tyler likes Jenna’s smile. “He talks to himself a lot.” Tyler snorts, walking out of the kitchen through the swinging door to sit on the counter. Jenna does the same, and they watch a few people pass by.

“Actually,” Tyler turns toward her, floating a centimeter above the cold counter, “He talks to me. He sees spirits. I didn’t expect to find you here, you know,” Tyler frowns, chewing on his cheek, “I didn’t expect to find you as a spirit either, normally a reaper comes by already.” Jenna smiles, her eyes full of mischief.

“He did. I turned him down.” Tyler stares at her, blinks. He didn’t expect that. Jenna punches him lightly on the shoulder. “I’ve grown up here. I couldn’t leave it behind.” Jenna looks around at the frames on the walls, eyes sad as they pass over the windows, the knick-knacks on the shelves that line the walls. Then she smiles, her attention back on Tyler, “No wonder my customers kept complaining about cold-spots.” She laughs.

“Sorry,” Tyler says sheepishly, shaking his head, “I was having a bit of fun. I doubt a reaper will come back. Josh happens to be one, but he’s never really done his job,” Tyler laughs, his eyes bright at the mention of his boyfriend.

“You love him.” Jenna smiles, and Tyler nods.

“Follow me.” He stands up, his feet barely reaching the ground, and passes through the glass of the coffee shop. Jenna follows him. She follows him all the way up to Josh’s apartment, and Tyler leads her inside. She laughs when Josh freezes and continues to smile when he stumbles to put clothes on (Tyler forgot to mention Josh was only in his underwear when he’d left). When Josh does come back, he doesn’t speak. Jenna does.

Josh tells Jenna she can stay with them.

Jenna does.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter updates are gonna be a little slower - however, I'm going to make them longer than they were in "Rebel Red Carnations."
> 
> Follow me on Twitter - @lonelydxnce  
> Find my Tumblrs - joshiesfreckles, bandito-jishua  
> Instagram - @joshiesfreckles, @lonelydxnce
> 
> Stay Safe ♥


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